PriorBlog

“After the shootings, the guard appear on a hill near Taylor Hall. Students are everywhere and the guard seems unaware of what to do.” — Howard Ruffner

I am really getting into the fact that people are putting so much stuff online. When I was a kid, it was always fun to spin a globe and plunk my finger down to stop and see where I was. I think the contemporary version of this game is much more high res. What I like to do is go to flickr, type in a random four or five digit number in the search bar, and see where it takes me.

For example, I just randomly found this wedding. Maybe it’s too close. I have no idea where that event is even taking place, without the necessary zooming out. Anyhow, another great thing, are some of the online albums that have a more narrative appeal to them. The other week I was browsing through somebody from Manhattan’s 9/11 album. Interestingly enough, the user name is Hiro Shima. The most impressive I have found so far though, is Howard Ruffner’s 1970 Kent State web album. There are some details with certain pictures, but they pretty much speak for themselves. I wouldn’t want to lessen what people went through by saying it’s like being there, but the album does lend itself to a very frightening immediacy, especially when witnessing the seemingly benign (in context) initial actions of the students: a rally, burning draft cards. But then you see the thing begin to spiral out of control, and there is one particular series of shots of Governor Rhodes inspecting the burned out ROTC building that really builds up the dramatic tension. You can almost see the awful turn of events in his furrowed brows.

Most times when viewing web photo albums, I do so randomly, trying to make out what is going on, where maybe it is taking place, et cetera. This is part of the fun, it’s like contemporary archaeology. With the Ruffner pictures, there is no fun in discovering anything new, and there is plenty of dread in rediscovering something in the past. But the photos are compelling enough to keep you there. I don’t want to give too much away, because it might detract from the experience.  A great ending though, it has a lot to do with “survival,” which is always a good word.

Word to the wise, these things are always best viewed in slide show mode for maximum effect.

More on my scam baiting. You’ll recall in our last episode that I asked “Ang Chee Ho” some personal questions in order to get to know him better. Well, he’s too busy to get involved in that nonsense.

Dear Frances,
Thank you for your thoughtful mail,but you must know that i am a very busy man and i might not have time to answer such question,i seriously work all day to attend to people so do make sure when you writting you are talking about business which is why i am here.I did send to you a document for you to sign,you did not mention a word about it,instead asking other question. Please do know that this is a serious business and as such we need you to be more serious with us.Please do sign the MOU and get back to me at once,no time to watse.
Thanks
Angchee.

He’s all bent out of shape about the “MOU”, and yet, the truth is, he hadn’t even sent it yet. I guess he was too busy. Anyhow, in my inbox, about three minutes after this email was sent, there was the email with the MOU. I responded in kind:

Hi Ang Chee!

I understand completely. Maybe a little later, when
our rocketship takes us to planet Millionaire together
(fingers crossed) we will have the time to chat about
those questions and many others. I am sure that there
will be a company outting in the near future in which
we can do other things besides discuss Solenoids all
the time. I sometimes like to imagine this future get
together as taking place on a beach with warm water
lapping up against our ankles, you and I basking in
the sunshine, awash in the warm sea and COLD HARD
CASH!! LOL! Haha. But that is the future and now is
TIME FOR SOME HARD WORK. TIME FOR OLD FRANCES TO
FOCUS LIKE A RED HOT LAZER IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT ON
MAKING MONEY!! I am ready to rub my nose on the
grindstone. It’s time to get nasty, it’s time to get
ugly, put on my butt-kicking shoes and make some
dough, baby! …and collect my 10%!!

Boo-YA!!

Please see my contract attached.

Ready to Rumble,

Frances Luzzern

Oh uh, this looks like a real person. And I can’t seem to find any evidence of photoshopping anywhere on this passport or whatever the hell it is. Maybe I really do have a new job and this whole thing is legit.

“We do sincerely hope to have a good working relationship with you as this transaction is 100% risk free and fully based on trust and honesty.”

Yeah, trust and honesty.

Speaking of which, here is my response to this bozo. Note how I aim for personal details at the end. My goal is to get the scammer to indulge in a game of one-ups-manship (or whatever). I want to get him to begin creating a more fully roundabout fictitious identity than he needs to.

Hello Ang Chee Ho!!

I am so excited about the prospect of working with
you. I must say that I was surprised that you looked
so young in the photo id. I thought you would be much
older, but that only goes to show how smart you are to
have risen through the ranks of the Solenoid Industry
like a rocket, like a firey blazing rocket taking
Frances Luzzern to a new and glorious career. Me and
you, kid (cause that’s what you look like, a little
kid), we’re going places together and we are going to
make BIG MONEY!! I’ll bet you anything you’ve never
met as hard working a woman as me. Send me those
clients pronto, Tonto, and let’s get to work!!

One weird thing about working with you and not meeting
you in person is that I feel a little like I need to
get to know you better and that you need to know me
better so we can learn and grow with each other.

Here is a little interview. First I will answer the
questions, and then you can respond to the questions
with your own answers!! Awesome.

What is your favorite color? Medallion

Who are your friends? Coby and Toby, Milan and
Frederick III

Do you have a boy/girlfriend? Not presently, but I do
know a cute man from Singapore (teehee!!)

Do you think there is life on other planets? Yes, I
believe it is a lot like in the movie Planet of the
Apes, which was a movie made to prepare us for the
eventaul interplanetary war with them.

Do you believe in Jesus? Hell Yes!! LOL!!!

Best Regards,
Frances

More Scam baiting for you.

First the blah blah blah:

> PLEASE CAREFULLY READ.
> contact email: solenoid_info1@yahoo.com.my > > Dear Sir/Madam, > >
I am Mr.Ang Chee Ho, pulicity secretary of SOLENOID INDUSTRY Malaysia. I
> am > here to bring to your notice a Job offer which I know it will be
of great > interest to you, I am the publicity Officer of the solenoid
industry one > of the > biggest and leading machinery, Arts and Craft
Company in Malaysia.
> Presently,
> we are running out of Finance due to the high volume
of money
(running in
> Millions of US dollars) that some companies in
Europe North and South

> America
> owed to our Company, we have confronted these
companies and the
company in
> question has agreed to begin installmental payment
through you to us.
>
> Right now we do not have international licence to
operate in your
Country
> so
> Our Company CEO has said that we employ agent in
this
> Countries/jurisdiction
> who will represent our Company and help us in the
collection of this
> outstanding bills. As the publicity Officer I was
giving the
> responsibility to
> employ agents in these Countries areas so they can
help in the
collection
> of
> the funds.
>
> Note: that this is not a money laundering operation
and will not
breach
> the
> law, Each funds transfer will be in due process to
follow your
Country
> laws and
> taxes will be deducted from our part of the funds.
>
> If this proposal is accepted by you, A swift
acknowledgement on the
> receipt of
> this mail will be appreciated, furnishing me with
your fullest
contact
> address.
>
> 1. Your Name:.............
> 2. Your full contact Address:..........
> 3. Marital Status:.........
> 4. Office Address:...........
> 5. Your Telephone Number and/or Fax:........
> 6. State/Country:.........
>
> For further correspondence please contact us via our
E-MAIL ADDRESS:
> solenoid_info1@yahoo.com.my > > Thanks In advance > >
Mr.Ang Chee Ho. > PUBLICITY SEC. > SOLENOID INDUSTRY. >
IMPORT./EXPORT. CORP. > 6,Jalan Batu Kapur 2 Taman Kok >
Lian Jalan Ipoh Batu 5 > 51200 Kuala Lumpur > Malaysia.
> 

Here is my first response:

Hello Mr. Ang Chee Ho,

I would love to assist you in this endeavor.  I am a
good worker and will do whatever it takes to help my
fellow employees achieve absolute potential.
Currently I am a dog walker, but I do know how to
type, and I think dog walking, is good for learning
how to handle stress.  Do you have any dogs?

> > 1. Your Name: Frances Luzzern
> > 2. Your full contact Address: 10 Orchard St.,
Jamaica Plain, MA 02132 > > 3. Marital Status: Single (but looking!!  LOL)
> > 4. Office Address: work from home > >
5. Your Telephone Number and/or Fax:781-xxx-xxxx (note: it was my old work's number)
> > 6. State/Country: USA (winner of the last ten
olympics in a row I am proud to say!!)

I would love to hear back from you regarding this
utterly stunning opportunity!

Kindly,

Frances

He responds with a boiler plate, which among other barely intelligible paragraphs includes this one which I found interesting:

“Please be adviced that we will have to begin the necessary process of approving you as our agent/partner on our receipt of your understanding and your sincere abilities. Upon receipt of your mail we will inform you on the next step to follow as regards our approval for you to being our representative.I will send you my fullest Identity on my next mail to you so that you can know me more atleast via International passport.”

Not wanting to miss out on this guy’s “fullest identity” I responded in kind with the image above as driver’s license:

Hello Ang Chee Ho,

Please find attached my driver's license.  I really
hope that I can get this job because it sounds like a
truly AMAZING experience.  The Solenoid industry has
always fascinated me since I was a little girl.  To be
able to take part in it would generate a tremendous
feeling in my tummy not unlike that feeling one gets
on a roller coaster!!  LOL!

Here is my address:

1077 Elm Street Avenue
ABQ, NM 87105

But beyond that, I am hoping that when the day is
done, when you have reaped the muched earned monetary
rewards from your customers thanks in no small part to
the hard work of a special little American lady named
Frances Luzzern, that we will become more than just
colleagues, but friends.  I am looking forward to
seeing your "fullest identity."

Yours,

Frances

PS:  I CAN'T WAIT TO WORK WITH THIS AWESOME COMPANY!!!
  

This guy is still being strung along, so I can promise you at least another two or three emails back and forth. Hopefully this will go on for a while.

You’ll recall that last week I feared being mugged by somebody whose odd characteristics were a result not of criminal intent but profound retardation. That incident may have put a devil-may-care spring into my step, or at least into my drunken stumbling. The other night after catching Kason Gabbard’s three hitter at Fenway, I took advantage of the quick game to spend some more time having fun. I called my buddy Clark Johnsen, yes, the Clark Johnsen, and told him to meet me at the Behan. It’s hard to get Clark out to the bar, I think because he has about a seven year supply of beer at his house.* But, for whatever reason, he fell into the spontaneity of the trip and next thing I know he’s telling me to call him when I get off the train at Jackson Square. Which I did. And no sooner had I flipped closed my phone when I was beseeched from the shadows of the Heath Street Projects. “Hey, Whitey.” I almost laughed. Whitey. I can see “White Boy” or “Cracker” or something, but “Whitey?” Anyhow, this kid, must have been fifteen tops, was bugging Whitey for thirty cents. “Hey, Whitey! I said, hey Whitey! Get back here, Whitey!” Two weeks ago it was twleve dollars, today it’s thirty cents. This would make for a fascinating chart on page B16 of the Wall Street Journal. Anyhow, I keep walking when I get the much dreaded “Give me thirty cents or I’ll kill you.”

Some points to consider:

1. This was on Centre Street right near the Stop and Shop. The train had just let out and there were people everywhere.

2. He was about twenty yards away from me when he started with the death threats.

3. Didn’t see him too closely, but from what I did see, he probably wasn’t carrying anything more lethal than a spoon.

4. Immediately after this whole exchange ended with my bemusedly remarking that he was quite free to kill me if he wanted to, he bumped into somebody he knew. His demeanor changed as though wired to a light switch. There were smiles, hey howya’ beens.

Can you imagined if I had reported this incident to my friend the New Jack City soundtrack listening cop? Come to think of it, I should have. That guy is an unwitting treasure trove of hilarity, and I just leave him sitting in those barracks all alone, another of the vast untapped cultural resources in this wonderful city. One has to wonder, if I had gone running to him, and feigned being shaken, would he have been able to hold back, or would he have called me a sissy.

I am tempted to visit him and act out such a situation, maybe put it on youtube.

cop calls mugging victim “sissy” 1:44

*Not a joke.

As you might have guessed, I eventually scared off that 419 scammer. Here is my last letter to him, written by my “pilot”, who, as you might recall, was going to fly me into Bangkok from Singapore:

To: Waleed Babiker:

Sir, attention, sir. I will be flying my plane into Thai territory on July 4, and will need you to forward to me clearance from the Thai authorities immediately. Attention, sir. This is very important. Without clearance I run the risk of having SAMs fired at me as soon as we cross the border. For your information, sir, I was an ace in the Pakistani Air Force. During one raid on Srinagar I shot down three enemy planes. I am not to be taken lightly in a combat situation! Please warn the Thai authorities, that if they fire their SAMs at me I will retaliate, and I will destroy their batteries. There will be pain and destruction for miles. I would highly advise you to advise the Thai authorites to advise the generals on their borders to advise the commanders of the SAM batteries to not fire upon my plane, the Rose of Punjab, lest they run the risk of a swath of devestation greater than they might ever imagine! Sir, this is of the utmost importance! A man never retires from battle, this much I can assure you. When it comes to force I am an old master, like one with chess pieces only my pawns are men. I have no fear of spilt blood, as this is what makes for a brave soldier. You tell this to your border gunners, you let them know. Please email me confirmation from the Thai authorities in English or Urdu, or run the risk of total war!

Sincerely,
Sgt. Major Cecil Choudhary

We’ll try it all again when I get another one in my mailbox.

I was shocked and dismayed that LaRussa left Pujols on the bench last night.  What the hell was he thinking?  Last year in the play offs and world series the games seemed to take forever because LaRussa had to sub for every other guy after the sixth inning.  He manages the all star team and suddenly he can’t find a way to get Albert freaking Pujols into the game.  What the hell kind of all star game doesn’t have Albert Pujols in it?!?

Now the Phils won’t have home field advantage in the World Series.

Last night, my wife had me go out and buy her a bunch junk food at the grocery store. I got ice cream bars, Rice Krispie treats, the works. Towards the very end of the ride home, I noticed an large aggrevated looking fellow limping in the middle of the road. It’s not like there aren’t sidewalks, bub. Anyways, pretty much as soon as I got out of the car, who comes walking up to me but this guy, who was very sweaty by the way, asking me for twelve dollars because he was hungry.

As you probably all know, I’ve been mugged a lot, and as somebody who’s been mugged, when some bg guy ambles up to me asking for anything over a dollar, it’s time to be on guard. It’s tempting for me to say that I outsmarted the mugger, but the fact of the matter is, I merely compromised with him, and in retrospect, considering the outcome of the situation, I am pretty sure he was severely mentally ill.

It turns out that I didn’t have any cash on me anyways, thanks in part to Bank of America’s ability to filch two hundred bucks from me for a minor budgetary mistake. In my book Bank of America currently ranks just below UPS for idiotic, lying, cheating, corporate monsters. You heard me. Monsters. Still haven’t seen that bike UPS lost. Way to go, guys. You’re only a month late. But back to the retarded mugger.

Yeah, so the guy is bugging me about money, and since I don’t have any money on me, I say, aw sorry man, I just had to use my bank card because I don’t have any cash on me. Feel free to cut and paste this line in any type of awkward feel sorry for me scam, the likes of which take on the following forms:

1. “Hey man, I’m not a bum, I hate to ask you this, but my car broke down and I just need $10 to get a cab, I can’t believe I have to do something like this.”

2. “Excuse me, sir, my girl and I just kicked me out of the car because we got in a fight. I don’t have my wallet on me, and I am not from around here, do you got $10 so I can get a cab?”

or, the one I got the other night, which was something along the lines of:

3. “I am lost and hungry, and I need twelve dollars to get something to eat.”

Not to mention very sweaty, limping, and missing a handful of teeth.  But I digress.  My not having any money kind of deflated the guy, who none the less, remained standing around me.  And since I had my hands full with bags of groceries, which made my face any easy unprotected target for a quick nose breaking jab, I offered him some Rice Krispie treats.  I offered him a whole box, actually, because I just wanted to get rid of him.  He did say he was really hungry right.

This really threw him for a loop.

“You sure you want to give me the whole box?”

I ended up giving him three Rice Krispie treats, and I think he was pretty stoked.