PriorBlog

Under the Senate bill, he said, those who have been in the country two to five years would enter a temporary-worker program, while those inside longer would be eligible for legal status or citizenship after an 11-year probationary period. They would first have to meet other criteria, including learning English, and paying a penalty and back taxes. –CNN Your trusted source for news.

I’m sorry, but who on earth would go for that deal? If you’ve been here for five years, it’s already your home. No matter what. After five years in a place, when you walk out the door to go to work in the morning, you don’t consider any other address yours. So why on earth would you decide to go to some office and wait in some super long line just to get a few numbers on a card?  For five years salary in back taxes and penalties?  The idea that by levying an insanely heavy tax on the insanely poor is almost so evil as to be funny. I mean, let’s face it, that would be hilarious in a Mel Brooks or a Monty Python comedy, like people lining up to be shat on.

First in-line

Guy born here: Hello. Seem to have lost my Social Security card. The number is 555-46-9028.

Cashier: We’ll have a new card to you in three days.

Guy born here: Cool thanks.

Second in-line

Guy born in Ciudad Laredo, not Laredo and lived in the USA for the past sixteen years: Hello, I would like to get a social security card.

Cashier: Ok, please fill out these 80 pages of forms and hand over $30,000.

Guy born in Ciudad Laredo, not Laredo (Spot-on George M. Cohan impression): God Bless America! Land of the free…

Enforcing a language. Compulsory lessons three nights a week at the local Y after all day floundering around in some giant foreign city, it’s all just like a study abroad program really, right down to the price! That’s what’s going to make for some great “citizens,” if not people who have good keggers, the rudimentary I for yo. Followed by all sorts of conjugations and declinsions, of course, what great fun. Lord knows I love the cultures attached to all of the foreign languages I’ve learned (Ha ha. Get it? I’m American, I don’t know more than seven words in any other language.)

You can almost see why there would be more appeal with the alternative way of getting that number in lieu of going back in time and choosing to be born here.

In other patriotic news (Latin being an Ancient not a “Foreign” Language [didja’ ever notice? italics the voice of truth, quotes lies), I got to see my son for the second time on Monday during my wife Ali Larijani’s appointment. My parents were both in the room, the kid in the womb of Iranian diplomat Larijani laying back and giving the ol’ uterus slide show.

Before I was born out of my mother generations guided me.
My embryo has never been torpid, nothing could overlay it.