PriorBlog

Yesterday, when I was trying to find out whether or not the Latvian American home for Crocodiles was a real organization, I got sidetracked on some of the sites google brought up. 

This always happens to me, I like tangents.  One of my favorite past-times is typing in a random phrase into google and wandering onto websites that aren’t expecting me.  To get the best results, I type in a phrase that would make me mad, something that somebody would say that would make me think they were an idiot.  I pop that phrase into google (google blogs is even better) and then see a list of people using it.  Then, via the slug, I choose the site I know will infuriate me the most.  Most of the times there will be a bunch of things on the site to piss me off, and I’ll really stew, but not in a ‘I’m going to go punch somebody kind of way.’  No, the feeling is a more pleasurable anger, possibly arising out of the fact that the writer is a few times removed from me.  It’s almost like you have them as a specimen in a petri dish.  They are too small to challenge your smirk, in fact, much like the constellation in the night sky which is not a thing of beauty, but God’s scowling at us, the specimen lies unaware of the reader’s true nature.  If I was to respond, try to hurt them with words or something, they would fire back, force their way however tangentially into my life, and start messing with me, and consequently leave me with the anger now divorced from the aforementioned pleasure. 

Anyhow, back to yesterday, where my “researching” Green World (one of the other names the Latvians used to disguise their duplicitous scheme) brought me to a number of Green (as in politically) websites, one of which had an essay written by a guy advocating a one state solution to the Israel-Palestinian conflict.  Don’t want to get all political, but if there is a one state solution I think it involves lollipop trees and the Jordan River turning into chocolate, and not a thick goopy chocolate that would stain all the holy stuff, but a chocolate that you could swim in, which was also low in fat, but tasted great of course.  The author of the essay (I would link it, but a. that would mean I’d have to get off my ass [i.e. open another window] and find it, which is too much work, b.  do you really want to read some stuff like that when instead you can get me making fun of it?) compared the prospect of a two state solution (no chocolate river but possibly lollipops on trees and middle class Palestinians commuting to Haifa in Range Rovers) with the bantustans in South Africa.  Bantustans!  This gave me a great idea for a political cartoon based on yesterday’s news that Talabani scolded the authors of the Hamilton Baker report as thinking Iraq was a colony.  I thought it would be funny to have Bush trying to assuage Talabani by calling him on the phone and saying something to the effect of “No, don’t worry, we don’t see you as a colony, more as a bantustan.”  (Yes, basically stealing somebody else’s idea, applying it to an ever so slightly different situation, and making a joke of something terrible at the same time.  Bravo, me!)  But before I could make that cartoon, I’d have to a. learn how to draw, and b. learn more about South Africa and bantustans.  The only thing I know about South Africa is that it is home to some of the foremost cricketers in the world and had some racial problems a few years back. 

So, I google “bantusan” and wouldn’t you know it… More websites about Israel show up than South Africa (especially if you spell it wrong like I did [bantusan])!  This is something I find interesting on a lot of levels, but since I am not intellectually competent enough to really get into it, I’ll allow you the benefit of a few moments to meditate on it yourself, because even though I am as dumb as a box of rocks, I still think it’s a curious development.

What would a post like this be without some links to smarter people’s thoughts?  Remiss.

Here is an interesting take on the Israeli-Lebanon conflict by Andre Glucksmann.   

The title is The Jerusalem syndrome.  And here is a link to a wikipedia entry on the real mental condition of said syndrome, which in some ways is really funny.

One more thing, because this whole post is striking me as being a little too flip, and I think it’s necessary to prove that there are things I care about, and that, contrary to what my mother says, everything is not “a fucking joke” to me.  I was on ESPN.com’s hot stove section last night, where they have their projected starting lineups and pitching rotations for all of the teams next year.  They had Cole Hamels as the Phillies projected FOURTH starter behind Jon Leiber.  I realize that not everybody else in the world is as pro-Hamels as I am (shoe-in 2007 Cy Young), but this is ridiculous, and I am pissed.  The Phillies had a better record than the “World Champion” Cardinals last year (in a tougher division no less) and yet the lame brains over at the “world leader” of sports can’t spend more than five seconds on the back of Cole Hamels’ baseball card.  Disgraceful.