Turns out, after all the stress and aggravation, that Heim has come to the rescue and will take care of the dogs over the holidays. I can’t thank Heim enough. Heim is the greatest, there is nobody like Heim.
Minutes before Heim called saying that he could take care of the dogs, I was looking at Google maps, considering the possibility of driving down to Houston with the baby sitter-less dogs, making an heroic HallMark special worthy appearance, and then driving home. According to Google it would take me 36 hours to get there. Although it would have been a major pain in the ass, and in all likelihood I would never have even tried it, I did enjoy a romantic fascination over the possibility of such an idiotic journey, and amused myself with a series of imaginary adventures I would have along the way. Of course, while doing this I didn’t betray my thoughts, keeping a distraught and beleaguered outward appearance so Bambi wouldn’t think I wasn’t taking the possibility of a Christmas away from her and Hazel seriously. It didn’t occur to me at the time, but does now, that maybe Bambi’s distraught and beleaguered appearance was just that as well, and that she was happily entertaining the prospect of my absence. This might be why, when she spotted the google map, with the giant purple vein leading from Boston to Houston, she called me a moron. She also informed me that our car, a 2004 Toyota Corolla, was “not equipped” to make such a trip.
To celebrate Heim becoming our dog sitter, I brought a six pack over to Scott and Michael’s house and bored them with my baseless political opinions, which where countered with Michael’s description of a 95 year old man’s penis that he saw during his first trip to his new gym’s locker room. It should be noted that Michael is very adept at description, as anyone who’s read his descriptions of Thai iced teas can attest. I sincerely doubt that even in some of the more highly regarded medical journals, there has ever been or ever will be a more precisely detailed and yet aesthetically rewarding description of an elderly man’s bird.
Hey! I’m having a perfectly fine time without that grumpy old Heim!
K